Why Don’t Women Get it?

I came across an interesting article written by Nike N. Chillemi about the recent “bondage” fad in women’s fiction. I have to agree when Ms. Chillemi says these stories do nothing for a woman’s self-esteem. The worst part is women are the ones writing this stuff.slave

In the 1960s, women were told we could have both the family and the job. However, now we not only have to work and take care of the kids, but are expected to be sex kittens as well. We don’t know whether to stand up to a man in the boardroom or try to seduce him to get what we want. Television shows and movies can’t wait to tell us that seduction is the answer. And now women’s fiction is saying women should allow a man to control them to the point of physical pain and degradation. All in the name of romance.

Women should be considered sexy when they use their brains not their bodies. Isn’t that what the feminist movement was about? To get into the boardroom without having to put out?

I get it. Sex sells. But these bondage books take it a step further. Women are being controlled, demeaned, and humiliated in the name of love. And the National Organization of Woman (NOW) seems to have all but disappeared with regard to this subject.

Gloria Steinem, where are you when we need you?

I can’t help but wonder if the women reading this junk would do so if the heroes (and I use that term OasisPalmsMHP-35A001loosely) were making minimum wage and living in a two bedroom trailer, instead of the billionaires portrayed in these books. A relationship isn’t solid unless your man is treating you with respect, no matter how much he’s worth.

How do we expect men to respect us when we confuse them with this type of literature, written by women?

What it comes down to is respect. Women should demand respect not only from the men in their lives, but from the heroes in their novels as well.

If you’d like to read the article, it can be found here: https://nikechillemi.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/do-women-really-want-shades-of-bondage-or-do-they-long-for-real-man/



  1. Amen, sister!

    1. Thanks, Cheryl.

  2. Thank you for commenting on my article and leaving a link to it. I found your article to be uplifting, in that it poses questions to women they need to think about. What is the true, organic nature of women? Where does their innate power lie?

    1. You’re welcome. You had a wonderful article.

  3. What about the women who consensually enter these relationships? Are they wrong for wanting a deeper connection? Why can’t a man love and respect a woman while enjoying kinky (consensual) sex? Not all of us want boring missionary for the rest of our lives.

    The women who write these stories write what they want, need, and enjoy. (50 Shades gives BDSM a bad name though.) None of them said they write how -all- women should be, nor do they claim that their female characters are powerless. (It’s power exchange, not power relinquish.)

    Practitioners of BDSM and power exchanges tend to be more intelligent, rational, mentally stable, and professionally successful than those who berate BDSM. (Likely because a good spanking session is a wonderful stress reliever.) And not all of us want a millionaire Dominant, not all of us want to be humiliated or degraded. My SO is far from wealthy or chiseled or anything from a novel; he is far better, because he is real. He works hard for what he has, he is honorable and kind and generous and funny. He is sweet and highly intelligent. So not all women–not even all -submissive- women–want the fictionalized Dom to which you refer. (If mine lived in a trailer park without two nickels to rub together, I would still want him.)

    When I willingly give my power to a man, it is because I trust him to hold it in safekeeping. I can relax, let my worries and fears and stress fade away while I am with him. He provides a safe shelter for me. That is what BDSM is about, at its core.

    And many of the strong women in the boardroom are submissive to their partners. They are not powerless; they -chose- to relax that power, to take a break and de-stress.

    Don’t knock it until you know a lot more about it.

    1. I have no problem with women who enjoy it and want to do it also. Unfortunately, most of these books are about men who are controlling, making women do something they don’t really want to do. Women should never do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable just to have or keep a man.

      1. I agree with that. (Aside from 50 shades, the ones I have read have been consensual.) although that can get into the realm of consensual non-consent, where the submissive agrees to be forced into things they don’t want to do. It works for some people. There are women who want that too. (Not my cup of tea at all.)

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